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I don’t want this to sound boastful but I’ve got three pairs of jeans (yes, I knew you’d be impressed). Two of them I can wear on the golf course (and regularly have, even at places like Muirfield and Royal St George’s), but the other pair I can’t wear anywhere close to a golf club. What’s the difference? The ones I can wear to play golf are black and green respectively, the ones I can’t even put on to go into the clubhouse are blue.

Yet all three pairs are identical in every other respect – patch pockets at the back, punk rivet studs and so on. It would therefore seem that golf club dress codes do not prohibit denim trousers they only prohibit blue denim trousers. So what do they have against the color blue?

But it gets worse. Metal conical nail shoes are allowed on the course, trainers are not and yet the manufacture and style is, in many instances, almost identical. In fact I know a keen golfer who deliberately buys distinctive adidas trainers – the ones with the two stripes on the uppers – because they look exactly like adidas golf shoes and he happily wears them to play golf and has never been challenged for wearing inappropriate footwear.

Conversely, an elderly chap with whom I occasionally venture out onto the fairways has his own distinctive punk rivet outfit that, when he’s not playing golf, he wears for gardening. His corded trousers probably first saw the light of day around about the time that Mafeking was relieved. The backside is so worn as to be virtually transparent and the trouser cuffs are threadbare and ragged. His sweater has more holes than a gruyere cheese but those of us who play with him insist that he keeps it on because the shirt underneath carries visible reminders of every meal he has eaten in the last two years. He is, frankly, a sartorial mess who calls to mind hedges and backwards dragging, yet his idiosyncratic and very personal ‘style’ has never been questioned or regarded as unacceptable at any golf club.

And then we have the vexed issue of shorts. This is such a problem for golf club committees that many of them not only specify the type and style of shorts you can wear; they even proscribe the length of socks that can accompany them. The consequence, of course, is that if you follow the regulations to the letter you end up with only your knees showing, when the intention, presumably, was to get a bit of sun on your body.